Ugh #5

Oh boy. I haven’t posted for a while – once again. As in the past, I have good reasons to not have been present on here. For a start, I’m doing an MA and somehow, my free time has gradually disappeared. I had literally no weekends these past few months. Now that I’m ‘just’ focusing on my dissertation, I have a bit more time to unwind during the week and read things for me. This is an actually good excuse, but if I’m honest, I have tried to find thousands of bad excuses not to write a blog post again.

I think I am way too conscious of being read, and I am scared my thoughts and opinions might not be valid. I am afraid anyone in my real life ends up in my little space on the internet and makes fun of how silly I sound. I am terrified that my English is not good enough. In short, this blog has become an embodiment of all the barriers I put in my own way to prevent myself from going forward with my life. And it’s just a shame because I love expressing myself on here, with my writing.

I tried to write thoughts and reviews of books in a journal, so that I don’t have to be anxious about being read. But I hated it… I love the idea of sharing, and having an outlet on the internet. Although, it’s just a little unknown space, I am always hopeful someone might randomly find a review I wrote and think, ‘Maybe I should read a Victorian novel, that sounds fun’.

In life or on here, I need to stop thinking I am not enough. I have a lot to learn, and that’s what makes life so interesting and stimulating. My opinions are just as valid as anybody else’s, so I will write about the books and topics that make me happy. I remember I used to write so much when I was younger; stories but mainly my feelings about growing up or what I thought of such and such topics. I love writing non-fiction, especially in the informal tone that a blog calls for. So that’s what I will try to do from now on, and I will just ignore this little voice in my head that says I’m not good enough. Because, in the words of Sonic the Hedgehog, ‘that’s no good’.

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